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June 13, 2009
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1. Charcos
brillan los charcos-
espejos rotos
por pies

2. Gotas
Suenan las gotas
tocando los platos.
Sueña con el mar.

3.
vienen los gusanos
de mis pesadillas-
caída

4.
Sopapillas amarillas
debajo
las hojas de canelo

5.
quiero caminar
en la playa
contigo.
si vivo yo
a los 100 años,
nunca olvidare
esas noches
iluminadas
por la luna.
My short Spanish poems, translated more or less as the following:

1. puddles shine
mirrors broken (or broken mirrors)
by feet

2. the drops sound
playing the plates
dream of the sea

Tocar also means to touch.

3.
They come, the worms
of my nightmares-
fall (collapse)

I will link the explanation to this one when I post the longer poem.

4.
yellow sopapillas (doughnut like food)
under
the canelo (a tree) leaves

The Mapuche new year is around the summer solstice (though it is winter here). Canelo is a sacred tree that symbols peace as well as serving as an altar to the higher spiritual world. Sopapillas are a traditional Mapuche food and are fried goodness :)

5.
I want to walk
on the beach
with you.
If I live
to 100 years,
I'll never forget
those moonlit
nights.

Hope you enjoy, as always, thoughts and critiques are welcome :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconmreid973:
mreid973 Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2009
I thought I commented earlier, but I guess not. So congratulations on the DLD! I love the rhythm and imagery in these. And you taught me a new word (gusano). 2 & 5 are my favorites.
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Haha, it's hard to keep up sometimes. Thank you :)
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:iconsomnomollior:
somnomollior Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2009   Writer
Spanish sounds like a language that I can get my teeth in to. Even when they are not about food they sound like they are about food to me! So I was pleased to see in the translations that at least one of them is about food! :D
My favourites are #3 and #5; I like their subject matter and mood.
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Well, in the Spanish speaking countries that I have visited preparing and eating food is always important aspect of daily life :) Thank you very much for the comment. I'm glad you like them. I think 3 and 5 are my favorites too.
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:icondjoseph:
Djoseph Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Oh. Seems I've been missing some real gems in your gallery.
I could almost read them in original as well. At least I know how to pronounce the words I don't remember anymore. Wish I had more time to practice this lovely language, and you make it sound all the more lovely like this. :)
Number two especially. Nice double play on tocar.
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Aw :blush: Thank you, I am glad you like them. I've been studying/speaking Spanish for so long that sometimes these random thoughts bounce out of my head as Spanish poems :shrug: :D
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:icondjoseph:
Djoseph Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
¡Que guay! :D
That's how it should be. :)
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:iconwindfenix:
windfenix Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2009   Writer
Beautiful imagery; I really liked this. =)
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Nov 1, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I keep meaning to add to it...
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:iconneko-tan:
Neko-Tan Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I really like #1, and thanks for providing the translations.
Congrats on the feature, by the way!
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you and thank you - I am glad you enjoyed them :)
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2009
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) and has been selected as our “;Pick of the Day”. It is featured in a news article here: [link] and on our main page.

Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Awesome! Thank you so much! :)
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2009
It was our pleasure.
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
:D
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:iconmahi-fish:
Mahi-Fish Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2009
I think that you write wonderfully in both languages. Continue developing that skill, it's wonderful to have.
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much :D I am glad you enjoy them. :blush:
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:iconbekkia:
bekkia Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2009
¡Fantástico! Cada vez que veo la palabra pesadillas, pienso "Si comes demasiados quesadillas, tienes pesadillas."
Reply
:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Jaja, odio ese tipo de pesadilla O.o gracias!
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:iconmahi-fish:
Mahi-Fish Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2009
My comment was lost when you combined these, but I'd like to say again that I really enjoyed the word play and sound play in the second piece. Suenan with Sueña and then the sound similarity of gotas and platos (being both -tVs).
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for commenting again, I realized it erased the comments somewhere in the middle of my rearranging. :/ Glad you still enjoy it :D
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:iconmahi-fish:
Mahi-Fish Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2009
:hug: Of course I do. I hope you keep writing poetry. I think you are a natural.
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Heh, I would ask you if you really think that except you strike me as someone who doesn't say things he doesn't really think :) Thank you :D
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:iconmahi-fish:
Mahi-Fish Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2009
You are indeed correct. I meant every word. Maybe I'll need to say it again in bold. ;P

You have a good sense of what sounds need to go together, and a good instinct about how to boil your poem down to the essentials in either language.
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Ah not bold! Heh. Thanks again. Haha, I think the idea of what sounds good together might be about all I have :)
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:iconmahi-fish:
Mahi-Fish Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2009
:P Don't push me or I'll have to write a poem about how disagreeable you are being! ;D
Reply
:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Disagreeable? I prefer humble :D
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(1 Reply)
:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2009
Hey - I quite like these. In terms of haiku I think the first one has a real haiku quality. So does the second, although I am unsure on the translation as yet.

Perhaps:

the sound of drops
touching the dishes-
sea dreams

I dunno - I was just playing around with variations. These are very nice. They have a distinct haiku/senryu flavour, but with a real Spanish feeling to them - which I locate in the semi-surrealist imagery (I don't know why but I associate this with Spanish literature - I am not sure if I am right or not).

Anyway - nice work. I told you I'd finally get around to checking them out (I have just been really busy recently).
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Does the translation have to be a haiku too? :P I really just have those there so people can get a sense of what the poems are saying. I gave the most literal translation I could of the poem. Not sure how I would feel about messing with the translation too much without making it another poem in it's own right. I think I would feel like I was tricking people by not giving them a literal translation, but I will give the translation some thought.

Well a lot of Latin American literature, especially the more famous authors write in a genre called magical realism, which as I'm sure you know is often very surrealistic. I would think of it as a characteristic of LA lit. Borges, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and Isabel Allende all use it in their work :)

Anyway, random rants there, thank you for taking a look and for the favorite :D
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:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2009
How is my 'other' translation incorrect?? I looked up the words in a translator and thought I had got it pretty much correct. 'Dishes' in English is another word for plates, in a sense, and I thought it gave the nice sense of why 'drops' were falling on them. But maybe I have got that wrong. Is it that I have reversed some expressions?? I am just curious how I got it wrong in terms of literal translation. I mean, you know the language, and I don't. I am curious to learn.

Yeah - I thought that was it. I knew I had a definite feeling that Latin American Literature had a surreal feeling. And now you mention it - of course! - I have read Borges (he is amazing) and Marquez.

Thanks for the random rants!! :)
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
the sound of drops
touching the dishes-
sea dreams

I'm putting it here again for reference while I write - I get tired of scrolling up and down all the time :)

I would translate this as:
la sonida de gotas
tocando los platos
sueños maritimos

Which I kind of like actually :) We could definitely do a whole series of these things :D

So I never said your translation was wrong just meant I wouldn't translate it that way for a few reasons. There is, in fact, nothing wrong with the use of dishes - I just didn't use it :)

The "sound" is a noun so it means I need to change the Spanish word to the noun for sound instead of sonar which is the verb.

Sea dreams also doesn't really go back to Spanish - literally it would become the sea dreams (the sea being the subject, not an adjective, not sure how you intended it) or el mar sueña. So my translation above is actually maritime dreams.

Anyhow I don't think I made any sense here. It was really more that I made the poem in Spanish and then translated what I had to English. I didn't play with the English too much because it's not the poem.

Anyway I hope that helps clear up what I was thinking :D
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:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2009
Ah I see now what you meant about the translation. It is good to learn a little about the language differences.

I get what you mean in terms of writing it in Spanish and then putting a literal translation up rather than an 'artistic' translation. I guess cause I am used to translating haiku from Japanese I often take a few liberties in terms of phrasing and sentence structure (but I try not to take any liberties with the actual words used).

Totally clears it up and thanks so much for the detailed explanation.

:)
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Cool I am glad it made sense. Heh, and no problem, I know you'll get around to reading my responses eventually so I don't mind taking the time to actually respond.

btw do you speak japanese or how do you translate the haiku? :)
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:iconsolarts:
SOLARTS Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2009
Nah - I don't speak Japanese - I have two dictionaries (one from Japanese>English and the other from English>Japanese) and I usually start with a selection of English translations which I don't think work. Then I translate each word myself (using dictionaries). I am also familiar with most of the common particles in terms of sentence construction and my partner knows a bit about sentence structure too. Then I will often look up other poems that have similar structures and see what other translators used to interpret them. Then, finally I start my translation. They are usually a synthesis of multiple translations and ideas. But they are 'mine', if you know what I mean.

:)
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:iconmooshu17:
mooshu17 Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
I would imagine they would be yours after all that work, woo. I just occasionally use wordreference if I want to be a sure of a word :)

Hey if you're not too busy with all that translating, I will almost shamelessly ask what you think of some of my new stuff? :blush:
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(1 Reply)
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