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Mowing II by ~mooshu17:iconmooshu17:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


A radio blares
over the whirling
of blades.
Through the green spirals
a dusty voice
sings along.
©2009 ~mooshu17
:iconmooshu17:

Author's Comments

I spent much of high school mowing grass. This one is for the much abused tractor. We spent a lot of time together - going round in circles.

Probably will change this one some in the future - it has already changed on paper two or three times, then a few more in the submission box... :) Hope you enjoy anyway.

Also I would love opinions/critiques :)

EDIT: July 22, 2009

Wow! My first DD ever! I am so excited because this is totally unexpected. This is one of my first poems. I only started writing poetry a few weeks ago due to reading another DD by :iconmahi-fish: Thank you so very much Mahi for suggesting this piece.

Also thank you :iconfllnthblnk: so much for featuring my poem.

I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it :) Thank you in advance for your comments and fav's - they mean a lot to me.

The tractor itself in case you were curious :) [link]

:heart:

Daily Deviation

Given 2009-07-22

For those of us stuck in the middle of summer, Mowing II by ~mooshu17 portrays the perfect image of how we care for our lawns! (Suggested by *Mahi-Fish and Featured by ^fllnthblnk)

Comments


love 2 2 joy 1 1 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconmahi-fish:
*Mahi-Fish Jun 11, 2009, 7:23:01 PM
This is a great piece. You really have a knack for taking a tiny moment in time and pinpointing something special about it. In this case you manage to take something completely mundane, and add a layer on top of it, so that even something as dirty and boring as mowing has the beauty of a song layered over it.
:iconmooshu17:
~mooshu17 Jun 11, 2009, 7:32:46 PM
Hey it worked :) I'm glad to see you successfully distracted the internets so that it didn't have time to eat your comment before you posted it.

Thank you so much for such glowing praise - you're going to end up making me think I can actually do this. I think you have a knack for making people feel good. I really like doing this kind of poem too, and I think I like it even better than the first.

I might try some longer poems soon, but I'm not sure how to write something long without just turning it into one of my stories. Hmm, have to see.

Thanks again!! :D

--
"Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times."
Anonymous
:iconmahi-fish:
*Mahi-Fish Jun 11, 2009, 7:35:00 PM
I think I like it better than the other one too. If you do decide to do one of the longer ones and need help with it, narrative is my style, I'd be happy to knock it around with you.
:iconmooshu17:
~mooshu17 Jun 11, 2009, 7:45:57 PM
Will likely take you up on that :) thanks. I've decided to go ahead and try a whole bunch of things and see what happens. I'm hoping all this literary stretching will help my "novel" of short stories. Just reached 36 pages - got a ways to go yet :)

--
"Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times."
Anonymous
:iconmahi-fish:
*Mahi-Fish Jun 12, 2009, 8:27:13 PM
I think that generally speaking, all writing helps with writing. I'm writing a lot more short poems in between my longer poems for the simple reason that it helps keep me writing. I never used to write short poetry at all. For me less than ten lines was a stanza, not a poem.
:iconbrassteeth:
*brassteeth Jul 21, 2009, 11:04:12 PM
Well done. Concise yet paints a wonderful picture, (as well as that smell of fresh cut grass)
Nice Work.

--
BT.

"The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away."
— Robert M. Pirsig
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle maintanance
:iconmahi-fish:
*Mahi-Fish Jul 21, 2009, 11:04:20 PM
I hope now that you'll believe me when I say that this is a wonderful poem. Congratulations on your well deserved DD. You've already come a long way as a poet.

--
"I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren."
-A.J. Empire Records
:iconeloquent-weapon:
*Eloquent-Weapon Jul 21, 2009, 11:05:50 PM
Beautiful work, I agree completely with Mahi. Congratulations on your Daily Deviation.

--
Important Notice:
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:iconphu-phu-hugs-me:
~Phu-Phu-Hugs-Me Jul 21, 2009, 11:09:08 PM
Firstly, congrats on your DD. (;

It's quite short, and I think you got across what you wanted to in your poem--some people usually have trouble with that. As for my 'opinion/critique,' I think you could expand it more in regards to your imagery of the tractor and grass, even the voice you mention, possibly. Although, I really adore your lines "a dusty voice / sings along." The notion of a dusty voice gives an interesting sound running through my head. All of it, actually, contains nice diction and works well for the images portrayed. <3

--
Candy talks to strangers
Thinks her life's in danger
No one gives a damn about her hair

:G
:iconmegsmad:
*megsmad Jul 21, 2009, 11:16:57 PM
congrats on the DD!!
i can definitely feel the summer in this one :)

:heart: faved

--
Remember Hannah. news article --> [link] TV program --> [link] Depression should never be fought alone.
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